The Exorcist of Nottingham

The week has been interesting with a virus managing to transform our three little children into demons willing to disembowel each other and make life hell for their parents. But despite this, we decided to head away for the weekend – what could go wrong?

So with bags packed and the little demons comfortably tied down, we left for a 4 hour drive to Nottingham and Sherwood Forest. 10 minutes into the journey we knew that the signs were not good with bloodcurdling screams emanating from the backseat. We pushed on, but an hour later, with no warning, Adelaide decides it is time for the re-creation of the Exorcist vomit scene. Not wanting to be outdone, Bethany joins in as body fluids disperse around the vehicle. The demons win this round so we make our way to an overnight stop at Northampton.

The next morning, with multiple drugs trying to keep the demons at bay, we gaffa tape the kids to the roof and head off to Shirwood Forest.

Now I am not sure if I have mention how bad I find the road signs in the UK. They have the unique ability to tell you every single small town name except the one you want to go to. The A52 can become the A51, turn into the A6011 then revert to the A52 all within 100 metres. We even came across a sign pointing both south and north to Bridgeford at the same time!

Despite wanting to bypass Nottingham, somehow we managed to enter the black hole of no return. So with roads signs as useful as a boat in the desert, we get totally lost unable to escape the City. I was just waiting for a modern day Robin Hood to hold up the car and steal from us (although I don’t think they would have given it to the poor). As the demons were starting to gain mystical power by joining their screams together Kathy resorts to scribing a last message in the side of the car in case we never escape and only our remains are found in the car.

Luckily, somehow we manage to extract ourselves from the clutches of Nottingham and made it to Sherwood forest and home of Robin Hood. But with the demon children’s powers now having Kathy under their complete control, the kids went to the playground while Dad managed to escape and have a look around.

But don’t worry Kathy. There are several historian that argue that Robin never existed, and if he if he did, he more than likely lived in Barnsdale in the county of Yorkshire. I just hope it doesn’t change as there will be a mountain of wasted Nottingham plastic bow and arrows, fridge magnets and tacky green hats heading to the tip.

Anyway – with night approaching and a fear that the demon children would gain more power under a full moon we made our way to Cambridge to meet up with Lucy, Steve and kids. Luckily the morning saw a major exorcism undertaken and the kids reverted to their normal disobedient self. What we saw of Cambridge was lovely and in the end we all had a good time at Lucy’s.

I think we will go to Oxford next weekend. What could go wrong????